I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize