we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
