Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
