I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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