Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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