i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
