you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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