At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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