Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
