I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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