it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
