Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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