No stitches, just platelets and will power
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I see more hoeing in ur future
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