Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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