this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
