everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
