I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
