My room smells like vodka and shame
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
