i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
