I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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