i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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