I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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