Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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