Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
