my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
