the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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