I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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