Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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