I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i've created a new STD.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
