oh god the rape fog is back!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
