also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
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New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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