I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
