Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
