masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
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My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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