Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
