any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
