I faked an abortion last night.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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