Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
