he shaved USA in his pubs
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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