How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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