guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I need help removing her.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
