even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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