when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
