he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Randomize
