**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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