The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize