OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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