the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
