If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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