I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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