I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
