I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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