Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize