I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
