I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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