So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm at about main and main street
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
