I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
